Luxord's rum
by Dayoftheweekofthemonthofthyear
Summary: luxord's rum has gone missing! warning: character death, violence (a crackcember fic!) written by Tangledfire Blac


**AN: okay this ff is a joke for Crackcember a month (including all of December) where we do nothing but flood the internet with waves of Crack fics. This idea came form the cross over generator. I really hope you all like it!**

**Please no flames and I apologize about any misspellings, capitalization or OOCness (I have never personally seen Murphy brown). **

**Warning! Character death, murder and violence. You have been warned**

**I own neither kingdom hearts or Murphy Brown (Wish i owned KH though ZD)**

Luxord's Rum

One day Luxord woke up and went to his rum storage area.

Upon opening the supper crazy amount of locks and passwords to get to where the rum was stored Luxord was angry to notice that all of the rum was gone. He new that it couldn't have been stolen by anyone but the infamous Murphy Brown!

Luxord decided that Murphy Brown had to die!

Angerly the gambler stomped off to find the Superior.

A few minutes later the infuriated Brit found the superior sitting on the couch in the gray room, making out with Saix.

"superior?'

The silver haired man looked up at Luxord, annoyed that he was interrupted. "Yes, number X?"

"can I go kill that bitch, Murphy Brown?" He asked completely serious.

Xemnas blinked. "if you so wish..." And then he went back to making out with Saix.

Luxord smiled and created a portal to the 80s (or when ever Murphy Brow took place...). He stepped through the portal and into Murphy Brown's kitchen, where she was drinking.

"Murphy Brown?" Luxord asked.

The woman turned around a wine bottle in her hand. "um, yes who are you?"

The gambler did not reply, instead he grabbed the woman's arm and created a portal into one of the unused rooms in Vexen's lab.

In the room there was nothing but a long counter, clear of any objects, and a stainless steel table with leather straps to keep the occupants lags and arms in place.

The gambler forced Murphy Brown onto the table and strapped down her arms. By now the woman was crying fearfully.

"quite," ordered Luxord "you stole my rum it is time for you to repent!"

"I didn't steel your rum! Please just let me go!"

Luxord sighed the woman was being far too loud. He took a piece of fabric out of his pocket and tied it around the woman's head and over her mouth, rendering her silent.

Leaving the room Luxord walked in to the main part of Vexen's lab; Spotting the scientist hunched over a computer and typing rapidly.

"#IV would you loan me some equipment?"

The scientist merely nodded, not looking up from what he was typing "just try not to male too big of a mess,"

"of course" with that the gambler selected a number of items and when back to the room where Murphy Brown was waiting.

Luxord set the equipment on the counter with a loud chuckle.

The woman looked at him afraid. he smiled.

"alright miss brown, this is what is going to happen. When that clock" he gestured to the one hanging on the wall. "reaches 10:00 I am going to cut off one of your fingers, I will repeat this until all 20 of your fingers and ties are gone."

The woman started Crying.

Luxord shrugged. "you brought this upon your self, stealing rum from Luxord, the gambler of fate, and #10 in organization 13."

Murphy brown just cried, Luxord looked at the clock. "10 minuets left" getting bored of waiting the Brit spread up the time with a snap. "10:00" he said

Murphy brown sobbed.

Luxord picked up a scalpel from the pile of tools and walked over.

"don't worry, this will only hurt a lot," he smiled evilly as he brought the sharp blade to her finger.

With a sharp click and a loud sound of pain from the woman. Luxord picked up the severed appendage as the woman sobbed "now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Luxord smiled and threw the finger to the side. "only 19 hours to go," with that Luxord snapped his fingers and speed up time again.

To Murphy brown it appeared that an hour past in normal time with the oddity of her captor not moving at all.

"hours up,"

Several painful hours later all of Murphy browns fingers and toes had been cleanly cut off and bandaged up to keep her from fainting dew to blood loss.

"and how was that for you? Okay?" The blond Man walked back over yo the counter and shifted through the tools there. "you know, all my life I have wanted a specific occupation, I was willing to work yo obtain that job, however certain circumstances prevented me from having this job." He picked up a small hammer and a pair of pliers. "would you like yo guess what that occupation was?" Luxord smiled widely as he turned around, "oh yes, I forgot, you can't answer me can you? Pesky gag eh? Bit I have to keep you wearing it, else you may disturb the other castle occupants, and superior would be mad, we cant have that." He shook his head. "anyway, I have always had this strange freak of being a dentist. Maybe its just My sadistic side coming out." He shrugged and walked over to the steel table. "well at least Now I get to try it out on you." He united the fabric from around her head.

immediately the woman let out a loud scream; Luxord covered her mouth with his hand. "shh, I told you, you need to be quite, you do not want anyone else to hear you. I promises they will be no where near as kind as i am being," slowly Luxord pulled his hand away. Murphy brown screamed again and the gambler once again shit her mouth with his hand.

"silence!"

A knock was heard on the Door. "#10 is every thing alright?"

"yes yes, #IV nothing to trouble your self over. the gambler heard the shuffling of Vexen's feet moving away. He smiled.

"now" he turned his he'd to look at Murphy brown "will you be quite?"

She nodded.

"good" Luxord smiled, almost kindly ans removed his hand.

She was silent.

Luxord moved back to the counter and picked up a device for keeping ones mouth open. He skipped back over and stuck the harsh device into the woman's mouth.

"alright I'm going to get started, pitty we don't have any anesthesia," he frowned.

Murphy Brown whimpered.

Luxord shrugged halfheartedly (pun intended) and picked up the players and hammer.

With his left hand he latched the pliers onto one of the woman's front teeth and with the other he lined up the small hammer. The gambler moved his right hand up, and with a slam brought it down on the woman's tooth. It came out with a sickening squish and a burst of blood. Murphy brown screamed. Luxord smiled as he held up the tooth with the pliers, the mangled tooth ruts dripping with sticky blood.

"that was fun," muttered Luxord as he threw the tooth to the side. Once again Luxord gripped a tooth with the pliers and slammed the small hammer down. However this time he hit her lip with a squish, and blood splattered over Murphy browns face. The tooth only became loose and bled profusely.

Luxord glared at the woman. "you did that on purpose didn't you?"

She frantically shook her head.

"yes you did" the Brit looked almost disappointed. "well I suppose we could skip this step and go to the next one yes?" With a swish of Luxord leather coat he turned around and walked back to the counter. Setting the bloody hammer and pliers down Luxord surveyed the other objects there. With a smirk he picked up a scalpel, and turned around. "you know" he said wistfully "i really should thank Vexen, his scientific equipment make for excellent torched devices."

Twirling the scalpel through his fingers Luxord observed his captive. A smile crawled across his bearded face. "tell me miss. Brown what dose your body need to process alcohol?" She didn't answer dew to the device still in her mouth but the gambler did not notice. "a liver! And what did you steal from me? Alcohol! If I take your liver... Then you won't ever steal my alcohol again!" Smiling happily Luxord moved back to the table. "so I shall remove that pesky liver of you, and all our problems will be solved!" With that Luxord ruffly ripped the woman's shirt down the middle.

She whimpered.

"Think I'm going to have my way with you?" He asked with a smirk "do not fear I am unattracted to your kind" softly he ran his gloved hand over her skin. In his right hand was the scalpel he placed the cold metal on her skin. "now I don't know too much about the human body, but I am guessing the liver is around here" with the last word he cut a large slash through the woman's skin that immediately began to secrete the dark red liquid. As carefully as an untrained person could Luxord began the complicated process of removing the woman's liver.

About two hours later Luxord held the slimy organ in his now

ungloved hands. With a smile he squished it between his  
strong fingers feeling the chunky muscle slide through his  
fingers and land on the floor with soft splats. "how was that  
for you miss Brown" he looked at the woman, barely alive now,  
some where in the "operation" she had,slipped into  
unconscious and had not reawaken.

"this will solver our problems yes?" He asked the room "but what if she gets a transplant? Or steals my rum again just to spite me?" Luxord looked at the woman "I can't risk it." With a sigh Luxord walked back to the counter and once again looked at the objects there. He spotted a small chainsaw like object. "that will work,"

He picked it up and walked back to Murphy Brown "i guess this is goodbye, miss, brown its been fun, but its time for you to go," after that the gambler spoke no more as he carefully sawed the woman's body apart, peace by piece.

About 3 hours later Luxord walked up to Xaldin a bucket in

"Sure" he said "what sort of pig food is it?"

"Murphy Brown"

AN: well... that was... odd... um... yeah... please review!


End file.
